Please, let me fuck your mom
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
