New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
