I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
