I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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