Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
