my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
