true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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