You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
