I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize