**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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