I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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