Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
