Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
