I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize