what day is it and did you see me today?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
