You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
