the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
