He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
