It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize