There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
