you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
