Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Princesses don't give blow jobs
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize