You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I came so hard my ears popped.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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