apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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