Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We left an ass print on the piano.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize