First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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