I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
