All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
