Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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