i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize