Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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