1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
