I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
