did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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