i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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