i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
