what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
