Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
