This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
