just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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