They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
