Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
