I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
