one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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