I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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