now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize