it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
