I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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