I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
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