i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
