i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
