where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
