how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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