i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
