I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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