Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
