Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
