JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
