Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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