about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
