I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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