I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
