Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
