Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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