do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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