Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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