for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
