So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
