A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
