I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You ate ashes out of my bong
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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