I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
