Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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