I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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