My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
