i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
