I'm gonna have a badass scar
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
