How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
