just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
