I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
