do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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