dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
