You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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