Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
