dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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