This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize