Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
