i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
