just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
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