My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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