now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
oh god was she eating orange peels again
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
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