i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize