I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
