I skipped work to stalk him.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
