where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
