awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize