He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
