soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
