im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize