naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
