YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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