what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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