every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
